Marital Crisis: signs, reasons and some tips to solve this crisis!

Love relationships, like any other relationship, has its ups and downs.

'The pandemic spared nothing'

Therapists have reported a significant increase in demand for their services during isolation (lockdown), that is, the pandemic had a lot of influence on marital crises.

A survey by the British organization Relate revealed that, for 8% of respondents, isolation made them realize that they needed to end their relationship; on the other hand, 43% said that the blockade brought them closer to their partners.

From South America to West Africa, the pandemic has opened a new, unexpected and intense chapter in love stories, with many episodes of arguments and disagreements, which strained the couple's relationship to the point of having a real marital crisis — and in some cases , leading them to a final chapter.

Marital crisis is much more common than one might imagine and, at the same time, complex to manage. But if both parties recognize the problem and are willing to step out of their comfort zones and minimize their egos,, it becomes possible to solve the crisis.

Reasons for marital crisis

Here are some of the most common causes for crises in couples. If you are experiencing problems in your marriage, you may identify one or more of them in your relationship:

* Dissociation and passive attitude: General apathy leads you to act as if you were a mere spectator and not the protagonist of the relationship, so you let yourself be carried away by indifference . Also, you don't get involved in any way with the couple's priorities, procrastinating. Thus, time and routine begin to dictate the success or failure of the relationship.

* Lack of involvement in the interests of the spouse: Does your partner ask you several times to go watch a comedy that you know makes him/her very excited and you always refuse? This lack of involvement inevitably strains your relationship and causes the two of you to drift further apart

Lack of interest: Do you pay attention when your spouse is telling you details of a specific situation that happened during the day? This, can erode the success of the marriage.

* Communication problems: Communication is one of the fundamental pillars in any relationship. If there is respect between both of you, you will have a protective factor.

Abandonment of common projects and programs that previously brought you together: Without a doubt, this is a sign that the marriage is in crisis.

* Individual problems, such as consumption of alcohol, drugs and/or other psychoactive substances, or depression and other physical and psychological conditions, can compromise the couple's good relationship.

Other reasons and signs of crisis in marriage.

* Jealousy

* Betrayal

* Verbal and physical violence

* Financial difficulties

* Lack of appreciation

* Lack of intimacy and sex

* Rivalries and Disputes

* Family Interference

* Health concerns

* Pregnancy

*Children

So what to do to overcome these marriage crises?

Several factors can influence the coexistence of couples, who go through moments of constant turbulence and they often do not realize it. Some even believe that separation is the best way, because in some cases this problem seems to have no solution and they start to come to the hasty conclusion that one is no longer compatible with the other.

However, often, some simple gestures can help to overcome a marriage crisis. In this way, one of the most important decisions is to take an initiative to resolve the problem, after all, it may be that the spouse is hesitating in an attempt at reconciliation.

Some fundamental tips for overcoming crises in marriage. If there is still respect and love  these suggestions will be very beneficial for the couple.

>>> Plant, and nurture respect, tolerance and patience at every moment

These elements in a marriage are basic and fundamental. The couple has to mutually develop these important principles and ingredients, if both partners do not add these ingredients in marriage, it will be practically impossible to create bonds of understanding and love.

>>> Each individual interprets reality according to their beliefs, experiences, education and conviction. So remember: before wanting to be understood and respected, understand and respect.

The first step in dealing with any conflict is to empty your mind, clearing all negative thoughts, and then evaluate three points of view:

The 1st is "how I deal with conflict", in terms of reality itself, feelings, values and beliefs;

The 2nd, refers to the point of view of the 2nd person, how my spouse perceives this same situation;

The 3rd is the point of view of a third person, totally neutral and with an objective view between the 1st and 2nd person (that is, this 3rd person can be a mutual friend).

In these last two points of view, it is necessary to forget the ego for a moment and look at the situation from a more distanced way, without judgments, with the most neutrality possible.

It is possible to identify when we start to get more nervous or excited. At that moment, when your heart races, your breathing is altered and you are almost acting without thinking, it's time to take a deep breath and try to remain calm, emptying all non-ecological thoughts.

>>> Before criticizing, make a self-criticism first: Change the focus of adversities: Replace the word “you” with the word “I”

This will avoid making your spouse defensive or apathetic.

Recognize mistakes: Each spouse needs to recognize and identify their mistakes. It is a step that requires a certain amount of effort from the couple. When there is a disagreement it is common to blame each other rather than arriving at an intersection.

A very practical example is when there is an argument between both and neither of them can ask for forgiveness and recognize that there was a communication error. This attitude gives rise to the development of one of the most destructive villains in a couple's life: self-pride.

>>> "Giving up" one's own interests in favor of the spouse:

To have a happy and balanced relationship, it is often necessary to put our desires in the background.

>>> Discover common entertainment to build a foundation for achieving intimacy between the couple and not falling into a boring routine.

>>> Dialogue: One of the main reasons for starting a separation is the lack of dialogue. Couples stop communicating because of the day-to-day rush, and this is where the distance between them begins, as there is no more dialogue. Separate a part of your day time for your spouse to recover what the routine took away. Small gestures make big differences.

>>> Trust: This is one of the most important virtues in the life of any relationship. After all, if there is no trust in your marriage, it is impossible for it to survive.

>>> Stop brooding and reliving past mistakes: Bringing up bad memories will only hurt your spouse and probably you too.

In this way, it is necessary to create bonds of understanding and understanding in times of difficulty. So practice empathy and compassion and try to forgive yourself. Keep in mind that it's not worth it to resent anyone, especially your spouse.

>>> Strengthen intimacy: Intimacy means being relaxed and informal. When the relationship doesn't go well, often, the couple's intimacy no longer exists. So, it is necessary that both parties are interested in rescuing this element.

Try to enjoy each other like you did when you first met. This lack of intimacy destroys the marriage, so it's worth the effort.

>>> Assume and appreciate that no relationship is perfect and, at the same time, strive to find common ground in every area possible: This will help build trust and create the possibility for improvement in areas of conflict.

However, seeking a quick and effective conflict resolution will help to avoid problems that could lead to losses. Think of solutions to real and close conflicts. And start solving them now and also avoiding them when possible.

>>> Seek professional help

In addition to our tips, it's always important to seek professional help from a competent therapist, if emotional control in a conflict situation is too challenging for you and is harming the couple's ecological balance.

Getting regular therapy is a great way to better understand your triggers and identify ways to avoid confrontation, conflict, and crisis situations in your marriage.

We hope we have helped you understand the main reasons for a crisis in marriage, and more than that, our intention is to collaborate for your happiness.

IMPORTANT: We are Holistic Therapists and our treatment is alternative. Even presenting satisfactory results, it is essential to emphasize that only duly qualified physicians can diagnose diseases, recommend treatments and prescribe medication.

All the best.

See you next week

Shalom!

Debora and Daniel Wiseman